Thursday, July 17, 2008

contrast and compare

I don't know if this is exactly a stroke of genius, but I just had this idea. These are the pluses and minuses of summer.
1) sleeping in.
I'll let you in on a little secret: during high school, I woke up at 5:15am. That just sounds unholy. I am really not sure of how I functioned, being that I am a moderate work a holic that will stay up as long as it takes to memorize however many flashcards I made. Now that it's summer, my wake up time varies from 6AM when I have to work to whenever I want. My forced status as an early bird hasn't worn off, however. What I refer to as "sleeping in" usually means about 9:30am. This is okay to me, because then I can walk around the house in whatever I slept in and watch shows about babies on TLC or The Dog Whisperer.
2) fishing.
As much as I might deviate myself from my homeland of Shelbyville, Indiana, I'll never be able to deviate myself from the edge of your seat sport of fishing. I will cast the line farther than you and I'll probably snap the line on a twig or something. There is something about fishing that I can't shake. I'm not sure if it's the mosquito bites or killing time in Shelbyville, but fishing is a default hangout activity. 
3) increased use of my Nalgene.
Thanks to a friend of mine, I have been notified that Nalgene bottles do NOT cause cancer or obesity (I'll leave that to P-lites and tortilla shells). So, I can again tote my purple Nalgene around wherever I go; the living room, the gym, my car, the bathroom can all cause thirst. A plus of this plus is the existence of Crystal Lite ON THE GO, which allows me to spice (or sweeten, in my case) up my water but still pee a lot.
"Lightening bugs, lightening bugs. CHOO CHOO CHOO, the lightening bugs." I'm not sure where I learned this little song/chant, but I am sure that lightening bugs are a huge part of why summer is great. I was never one of the creepy kids that tore the lighter parts off and smeared the lighter goo on my face, but I did capture as many as possible and set them loose in the house. I wish that there were as many lightening bugs as there were mosquitos, but I'm sure that there would never be sufficient darkness for drive in movies (waaaah daylight savings time boo hoo). Is it possible to frown when looking over a lawn to a field of bugs that SPARKLE? I think not.
4) church carnivals and county fairs
I could go on for hours about what I love about church carnivals and county fairs, but let's stick with some superficial ideas.
+ funnel cakes
+ rides that make me throw up funnel cakes
+ "The Little Lady from Haiti" at the Bartholomew County fair. This is actually a little cruel, sideshow like, but it's interesting to see who will pay a dollar to go look in her tiny living room and maybe shake her tiny hand. The saddest part is, if, in a fit of relentless compassion, you make one of your friends tell her "Je veux aide toi," she will respond "Aidez moi." I'll leave that up to you to translate.
+ 4-H projects (like BUY AN OUTFIT!)
+ being hit on by white south african carnies (Shelby County Fair 2008. beat that)
+drunk priests gambling
1) my job.
I work at a kennel. A huge part of my work is cleaning up dog poop. Believe me when I tell you that there are some dogs that poop bigger and more often than you. Even you. Though this is no glamourous task, the task is easier to stand when this poop is frozen, even frosted over. But no. Imagine cleaning up huge piles of poop at 4PM in July in Indiana. Did you remember the flies? Did you remember the "poop in the microwave" effect? Did you remember that you're getting $7 an hour to do this? 
2) never being able to find a smoothie.
On hot summer days, all that I really want is a huge smoothie made with mango, banana, and raspberry. Why is this so hard? I don't think I'm even in the same state as a Jamba Juice and the smoothie nasty things at Starbucks are terrible. Where else is there to look? My local Cuppies advertises the presence of smoothies, but they also advertised "fresh hot chocolate" (which I quickly discovered was fresh from a bag). No trust in that relationship. I broke my household blender A LONG time ago, smoke and everything, so I don't have the prospect of making my own smoothies. Really, what could  be more refreshing, yet so out of reach?
3) not being able to afford summer music festivals.
In addition to not being able to afford Lollapalooza or Bonnaroo or the high waited paints required to Pitchfork, I don't know which summer music festival crowd I could comfortably be a part of. I don't have the contacts to not have to pay for a hotel in Chicago for Lollapaloozaand my bangs are only sort of asymmetric (I also don't care fore PBR). I don't smoke nearly enough pot for Bonnaroo and don't own a tent. I don't have the cash for coke and Pitchfork tickets, which automatically eliminates me from their target audience. What music festival can normal kids, but kind of cool but a little more awkward, attend comfortably? Can I cement the presence of Motorhead, Ryan Adams, Rilo Kiley, Iron and Wine, Bob Dylan, and The Libertines? Will they give me a place to stay? Can I pay less than, oh, $75? If such a place exists, please stop keeping the secret.
4) feeling like I have to tell about my dreams
Any time I start a sentence with "Guess what I dreamed last night!" you're going to be disappointed. Because I can sleep more during the summer, I have more dreams and am more likely to stumble over my descriptions and embarrass myself from trying to explain what my mind made up. You're going to appear insensitive while I'm rambling about spanish spices, so why not just leave the situation and try to divert my attention? Don't think that this means that I want to hear about your dreams. They don't make any sense either and I'll pretend to understand.
It's summertime, kids! Live it up!

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